Based on my true experience

Step 1: Panic

The excitement and sheer joy or your proposal has calmed down. Yes, the ring represents true love, eternal commitment, yadda yadda yadda… it also painfully highlights the reality that your closet simply does not measure up to this upper echelon lifestyle.

You had noticed for a while your outfits were admittedly subpar compared to others at the various events, you’d been attending… but now it has become inexcusably apparent that you are not dressing correctly.

After you’re done justifying the 5-year-old Ralph Lauren cocktail dresses and some of your more timeless J. Crew pieces… it’s time to panic! You have nothing to wear!

Step 2: Scorched earth

Rifle through your closet like a crazy lady and throw all your junky clothes into the pile! More than a year old? Toss it! Cost less than $20? Toss it! Doesn’t fit right? Toss it! Cheap? Toss it! AND THEN TOSS SOME MORE!! 

If you have access to a blow torch, it would be useful right now. 

Collapse in a heap onto the large pile in the corner of your room. Ok. Now you literally cannot look underdressed because you only have good clothes left. 

Step 3: Spiral 

It’s the next morning. Go pick out some clothes…. PSYCH! You have almost nothing in your closet. And nothing that could pull together into an outfit? Why so many cocktail dresses yet not a single sundress? Ya, that skirt is cute but why are there no tops?

Quite frankly, I’m surprised that YOU’RE surprised. What were you expecting?

Hopefully you didn’t use a blow torch.

Step 4: Walk of Shame 

Go back to that pile. You need clothes. 

Weed through the pile with a more generous eye. While some of the clothes need to go, you’ve overall got a cute style! Rehouse some of the clothes into your barren closet.  

Step 5: Be SUCH a good person

Take the remaining clothes that truly need to go and donate them. 

Wow, you‘re SUCH a good person. Reward yourself with a spa day.

Step 6: Online Order

Ok…. Regroup. 

Online order a few items from Banana republic, or any other mid-range-high-quality clothing store. This will begin building your wardrobe with quality pieces. 

Step 7: Luxury Shop

You’ve never been shopping at any high-end luxury retail place… but you’ve seen all the glamour girls on TikTok and Instagram constantly flashing their elegant and chic bags, shoes, RTW, etc. 

Your friend invites you to go shopping in NYC – a luxury brands tour. You accept.

Google proper etiquette for in the stores and salvage together shopping outfits you consider nice enough. Your closet still is a work in progress, but this could be a major turning point!

Step 8: Buyers Remorse Anxiety

The first luxury store you stop at: Chanel.

Holy shit you’re nervous. Am I acting weird? You know you want a bag. A classic… double flap? Jumbo? God this is all happening so fast.

Drop a ridiculous amount on a single bag. After receiving a text from your fiancé concerned about credit card fraud (no, just irresponsible spending, sorry) go back into panic mode.

You’ve over invested into a singular piece… but that doesn’t help you have things to wear. Feel anxious and tuck the bag away. The bag lurking in the back of your closet matches the lump in your throat. You won’t get to opening and unboxing it for 11 months.

Step 9: Confusion

Ok… you’ve gotten a few new outfits and a bag you feel too anxious to even look at. There’s got to be an easier way, right? You revert to step 6… you need to patiently build your closet.

You do a couple more online shopping, and sprinkle in some in person shopping. The heart of your confusion is that you’re building your closet for other people. You need to be focusing on yourself… your own style… what YOU want to wear.

You need to improve the quality of your closet so you can dress better for events, while simultaneously centering yourself and your pride. Those two things can (AND SHOULD!) exist simultaneously.

Step 10: Acceptance

So you keep building your closet. You trust your gut – after all, you were able to make friends and leave good impressions pre-engagement at all those events… and that was in a cheap-material-too-short Tobi dress you once wore to a sorority formal! Bottom line: trust your style (ok but you donated that questionable Tobi dress, right?)

Your closet shifts towards pieces that are all made of quality material and fit correctly. You also back track on the previous rule of throwing away anything less than $20. That came off as classist and you can get nice clothes at that cost. You make peace with the reality that you will always love Marshalls and TJ Max (I’m a self proclaimed maxinista). 

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, and my closet won’t be built in one season”

Me, and I think that’s deep. Please quote this.