My Grammy passed away two weeks ago. She was my mother’s mother. Her passing was a few weeks shy of her 83 birthday. Luckily I was able to see her in the hospital before she passed. We were very close, so I have been taking her death pretty hard. 

My Grammy was a relatively private person, so I don’t want to overshare too much information about her on my public blog. But she also was such an important part of my life, I cannot help but write to help memorialize her and process this.

Like all humans, she was a complicated person with a mixture of positives and negatives. I will only be writing about the positives. On a related note, I feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much time with her (well into adulthood) that I have a fully dimensional understanding of her character… how lucky to know her both as a majestic, matriarchal figure AND as a human. 

One of my favorite things about her was her strong opinions. While she never explicitly gave me “lessons” in the traditional sense, I picked up many good pieces of advice from her stories. 

1. You can “Have It All”

My Grammy embodied a woman who “had it all.” She balanced a big family with an impressive career as a nurse. Her ability to equally value professional development with personal life investment has inspired me for many years.

2. “Girl Power”

I’m sure she was deeply unaware of a lot of “girl boss” rhetoric that is popular in mainstream media, but a lot of her stories revealed a side of her that merged femininity with her smart approach to life.

My favorite stories she told me were from her days as a nursing student. Her nursing school was religiously affiliated so the girls were held to very strict standards. She would regale me with stories of their debauchery during their time at school. Their mischief including “sneaking lipstick” that they would have to surreptitiously wipe off if any professor noticed, convincing* the guard to open the gate if they missed curfew (*flirting, but she never said it so heavy handed), and skipping dinner at the dining hall to have a hotdog at the nearby stand… often this would happen to be the same time as a male suitor decided to get a hotdog. 

If I had been a student at the same time as her, I hope we would have been good friends. 

3. Be your own person

Surprisingly, she never pushed the ideas of marriage and children onto me… something I know a lot of women from her generation would emphasize. Admittedly, I have always been open that I want to get married and have kids, but she gave remarkably little direct attention to my dating life. 

However, she would tell me stories of her dating life. When she talked about her early courtship with my Grandaddy, she had an air of aloofness. I got the sense she had that same energy early on with him! He would ask her on dates, but overall, they kept things casual. Later on, well after high school, would they became serious and eventually got married. 

A strong underscore of all her stories was about her own life.

4. Pick a good man

That being said, she emphasized the importance of getting the RIGHT man… not just “a” man. 

In a way, she embodied the perfect combination of maintaining independence, while simultaneously waiting for the right partner to emerge and enhance your life. 

My Grammy inspired my first viral tiktok. The one where I equate living with a boyfriend as effectively living with a roommate. My Grammy called couples who live together with no real plan to get married “playing house.” She would never tolerate men not stepping up, committing, and actively building a life together. 

My grandparents were married for 50+ years and despite bickering, they were overall happy and proud heads of our family. I get emotional looking at all my extended family and seeing the small but beautiful empire that they created.

Be Expensive.

On a lighter note, she was ridiculously high maintenance and proud. My Grandaddy would take her to nice restaurants… they kind where the menus for women don’t have the prices listed, and she would be PISSED! How much was her desired dish? She was NOT going to be a cheap date!! (even after 50+ yrs of marriage)

Iconic. 😂

Overall, my Grammy has had a profound impact on my life, and I get emotional even thinking of the reality that she is gone. It’s been hard for me. I miss her. I don’t know what future holidays will me life. I’m glad she met my fiancé. She was actually the first person to call me a “beautiful bride.” I know everything happens for a reason, but it still breaks my heart to have lost her.